Trauma therapy

What is Integrative Trauma Therapy – and How Can it Help You?

Image by Peter H/Pixabay

Writing a book is a great way to clarify your thoughts. I am now halfway through my new self-help book, on healing childhood trauma, and – after many head-scratching years – it has finally given me clarity on what to call my approach to therapy. One of the USPs of this book is the idea that, especially when we are trying to heal from complex problems like the impact of childhood trauma, using a one-size-fits-all approach to therapy isn’t always helpful. In my opinion, if you’re in need of therapy for any reason, you deserve to find someone who respects you as an individual, rather than trying to round-peg-into-square-hole you into a somewhat rigid idea of how therapy should look for everyone.

That’s why I have fused all the wonderful therapy models I have learned over the last 30 years into a unified approach called integrative trauma therapy. I have drawn from cutting-edge, highly effective models such as:

These are all wonderful approaches to healing in their own right – and I have many brilliant colleagues who offer them in a pure way to their clients, which works beautifully for them and those they help. But that’s just not the way my brain works – I’m naturally integrative and, although I see great wisdom in every form of therapy, there are aspects of each that don’t seem so helpful. And, more importantly, I don’t think that any one model is enough for people with the most complex, hard-to-treat problems.

Here are some of the key principles of integrative trauma therapy, as well as the ways in which I think it will help you, if you’re struggling with the legacy of trauma in your life.

All good therapy should be trauma-informed

We know beyond doubt, from decades of research into the roots of mental-health problems, that childhood trauma is a causal factor in most, if not all of them. I have written before in these posts about the groundbreaking Adverse Childhood Experiences study, which was a vital piece of research showing how common ACEs were – among the middle-income Americans who participated in the original study, let alone those living in poverty, or other tough environments in which to be a child. These ACEs include experiencing physical, emotional or sexual abuse; having one or more parents with substance-abuse issues, and witnessing domestic violence. A heartbreakingly large number of kids must endure these problems, in the US and around the world.

This research also showed a strong link between the number of ACEs we experience as a child and our vulnerability to a wide range of physical and mental-health problems as adults. In my opinion, any therapy which is not trauma-informed is at best unhelpful and, for trauma survivors, can be downright harmful. That’s why my approach is based on the tried-and-tested three phases of trauma treatment, because so many of my clients were traumatised by their painful childhoods. Phase one involves psychoeducation, about key ideas like trauma, attachment, core developmental needs, schemas and parts, a little brain science and the crucial role of the nervous system in trauma healing.

This first phase also involves practical, experiential exercises to help calm and soothe people’s dysregulated nervous systems – using all my practices on Insight Timer – before phase two, which is processing trauma memories. Schema therapy’s imagery rescripting is great for this, as is IFS and EMDR, which I don’t offer but many colleagues do. And phase three is all about integration, of all this healing, transformative knowledge into your life, as well as integrating every aspect of your internal system using parts-based therapy.

Therapy needs to be a unique blend, just for you

I often say to my supervisees that not only should we create a unique therapeutic recipe for each client, our guiding principle should be: ‘What does this person need at this moment in this session?’ Although we all need goals, and an overarching idea of how therapy should look over time and what we are trying to achieve, these principles should be flexible, not fixed. As someone who specialises in complex trauma, I have learned that the more trauma someone’s system holds, the more flexible we therapists need to be. That’s because the techniques and approaches that work well for someone who is fairly high-functioning and only experienced mild trauma/neglect in childhood, just do not work with more traumatised folk.

It also makes me a little sad when I see devotees of model X saying model Y is deeply flawed, or that anyone not adhering to every principle of model X – as if it were some kind of religion – is somehow being disloyal to the model, or doing therapy badly. Why can’t we draw on all the wisdom, richness and depth of the many great approaches to therapy available to us? That’s why I think integration is key, depending on what works best for us, as an individual therapist, and you, as individual clients. The tricky bit, of course, is integrating in a way that is organic, coherent and powerful, rather than bitty, eclectic and confusing for clients. That only comes with a great deal of practice, experience and trial and error to see what works best (after 30 years in the personal development world, I’m still learning from my mistakes every day! Ask me in another 30 and I may have it all figured out).

All of this means that, as a client, please do not be afraid to shop around. Finding the right person for you, who feels like a good fit, is so important – whatever kind of therapy you choose. I hope that person is flexible enough to adapt what they are doing to suit you. Also make sure they are accredited, properly trained and can explain their approach/answer any questions you may have – if it’s too vague, or doesn’t feel right for you (listen to your gut on this, because your gut has wisdom that your brain does not) keep looking until you find the right healer for you.

Therapy is all about love

All therapy is based on attachment, whether that’s explicit (as in schema therapy) or not (in modalities like CBT). Humans are hard-wired to attach to other humans, it’s fundamental to our being. We rely on others to survive, as helpless infants. And we continue to rely on others in so many ways for every second of our lives, which is why loneliness is so painful – and even life-threatening – for millions of people in our fragmented, isolating, unnaturally hi-tech and urban existence. So, of course, therapy is about being in relationship too. One of the reasons I love schema therapy is the richness of its attachment-based approach to the therapeutic process. Creating ‘earned secure attachment’ with my clients is my number-one goal.

In fact, I think that as therapists, we should love our clients. And of course that doesn’t mean we should date them, or do anything inappropriate. It’s just that everyone needs love – our inner children crave it above all else. And many of the people who see me for therapy have never had love, or at least never had love that wasn’t in some way hurtful, disappointing or neglectful. So I am as warm, kind, compassionate, involved, attuned, respectful and praising as I can be. I have a principle that I am as warm as my clients will let me be, because again for those with a big trauma history, receiving love is often hard, or even threatening. So I go easy, step by tentative step, until they can learn to let it in, even a little.

The other kind of love we need to foster in therapy is internal, from your wise, kind, patient, nurturing Compassionate Self to the hurt parts of you, especially the wounded little boy or girl inside. IFS is great at helping you build this inner relationship, which is why it’s my favourite of these many different models. It embodies the warmth, kindness and downright good-heartedness of its founder, Richard Schwartz, with a non-judgemental, non-pathologising ethos that I and my clients love. The key point here is that it’s not either/or – attachment with your therapist or your Compassionate Self, inner or outer. It’s both/and, because we need both inner and outer connections, understanding and love, to thrive as humans.

If you would like to know more about integrative trauma therapy, here is a guide to some other key principles. I will also keep posting about techniques and ideas you might find helpful. And, of course, watch this space for my book! It’s coming together nicely, so I can’t wait for you to read it.

Love,

Dan ❤️

 
 

What You Can Learn from 2,500 Years of Buddhist Wisdom

Arguably the most important figure in Western psychology was Sigmund Freud, who developed his psychoanalytic theory of the mind about 130 years ago. And arguably the most important figure in Eastern psychology was a man we call the Buddha, who lived and taught in Northern India around 2,400 years before that. Let’s think about that for a moment. Over two millennia before Freud saw his first patient, the Buddha and his followers had created a rich, sophisticated theory of the mind and how it worked.

Long before Freud’s ideas about neuroses and how to cure them, Buddhist psychology gave us a step-by-step guide to freeing ourselves from dukkha, which is the Pali (the language of the Buddha) word for suffering. As the Buddha himself said: ‘I teach one thing and one thing only – dukkha and the end of dukkha.’

It’s important to note at this point that you don’t have to be a Buddhist to find these ideas helpful. In fact, you don’t need to have any interest in Buddhism at all! One of the reasons I am so enamoured with Buddhism is that it’s very different from religions like Judaism or Catholicism. For starters, the Buddha was just a human being, not a god. And although many Buddhists do believe in transcendent ideas like karma, heaven, hell and reincarnation, I don’t think that was the Buddha’s point, really. It was more that he existed in a time when these ideas were normal and universally accepted, like we believe in gravity, or the nutritional benefit of vitamins. They were the zeitgeist of his age.

As I have written before in these posts, if I had to name my particular brand of spirituality it would be to call myself a Buddhist atheist. I believe in Buddhism. I think it’s a wonderful theoretical framework for understanding the mind – and especially what can go wrong with it. I also believe that the Buddha was a real person, a great psychologist, teacher and healer, like Jesus. But I don’t believe in heaven and hell, or reincarnation, or any of the more mystical, religious stuff. If you do believe in those things, of course that’s absolutely fine – I’m not saying I am right, it’s just how I was raised and educated to perceive the world.

How Buddhist psychology can help you

Most of my readers are either struggling with mental-health problems, or trying to help people with these problems. And whether you are a client, therapist or concerned family member, there is so much in Buddhism you might find helpful. Let’s circle back to that idea of dukkha – like all Pali words, there is debate about the exact English translation, but suffering is close enough. In his Four Noble Truths, the Buddha taught (not wrote, as his was a time before books and paper) that to live a human life is inherently painful. Pain is unavoidable, for a whole host of reasons, but one of the simplest is that we are all mortal. We will all age, get sick and eventually die. This is, of course, the hardest truth we all have to face – but facing it is both important and healthy, as once we accept this idea we can get on with maximising our brief but wondrous existence on this planet.

So we can’t avoid pain. But the Buddha then explained that we can avoid suffering, because most suffering is human-made. He gave the famous example of twin arrows – the first arrow is something painful, like injuring your knee playing football. This just hurts – it’s called ‘the pain of pain’ – so there’s not much we can do about that except to rest it, use ice, see a physio, and so on. But what the human mind does is then create more pain by trying to avoid or push away the original pain. We think, ‘Why is this always happening to me? I’m so unlucky! God, I hate my life,’ or ‘I can’t stand this pain, it’s unbearable! These painkillers aren’t touching the sides, let me go back to the doctor and get some oxycontin, quick.’

In the first example, we now add feelings of frustration, anger and bitterness to the physical pain. In the second, we are desperately trying to avoid the pain at all costs, which can be a slippery slope to addiction – especially with opioids. In the Buddha’s teaching, it’s like we then shoot ourselves with a second arrow. And so physical pain becomes emotional suffering.

If not the arrow, then what?

Another wonderful thing about Buddhism is the emphasis on developing positive mental states, which anyone can do with enough persistence and determined effort. These include metta (loving-kindness), karuna (compassion), mudita (sympathetic joy) and upekkha (equanimity). These four ‘sublime states’ build on each other, offering a profound sense of peace, calm and protection from the inevitable pain of life. If you would like to know more, I strongly recommend the wonderful Sharon Salzberg’s classic book, Lovingkindness: The Revolutionary Art of Happiness. Sharon is a world-leading expert on metta and how to develop it – it’s her USP.

She explains that, instead of shooting ourselves with that second arrow whenever life hurts or disappoints us, we can learn to treat ourselves kindly, patiently and warmly. This is like a soothing balm for the first-arrow wound, which helps it heal. Of course, this is not easy! Take it from a long-term meditator and student of Buddhism. Developing these beneficial mental states is not a simple thing, or I wouldn’t have to meditate every day.

But it is possible. And this is another great gift from that remarkable teacher 2,500 years ago – he gave us concrete tools and strategies we could all use – monastic or lay Buddhist, Christian or atheist – to transform our mind. Two of the (deceptively) simplest of these tools are developing mindfulness and metta, so here are two of my Insight Timer practices for doing just that:

I hope you find them helpful – and wish you ever-increasing peace and happiness as you follow your own unique path to healing, whatever that may be. And this is my last post before Christmas, so wishing you all a wonderful holiday season. Rest, recuperate, recharge and I will be in touch in the new year.

Love,

Dan ❤️

 
 

What is My Unique New Approach: Integrative Trauma Therapy?

It’s hard to believe, but it is 30 years since I started my first counselling training back in 1994. It was then a long and winding road to start practising, until I finally opened my private practice around 15 years ago. That first training was in a transpersonal, parts-based model called psychosysnthesis. I loved it and had an incredible time on the highly experiential three-year training, but the transpersonal focus wasn’t such a good fit for me and my more scientific worldview.

In the gap between doing that first training and starting to practice as a psychotherapist, after a series of underwhelming jobs I began working as a sub-editor and then a freelance health journalist for 10 years – writing for various newspapers, magazines and websites based in the UK and around the world. I see that decade as an invaluable part of my therapy training, because it helped me understand how to evaluate research and introduced me to evidence-based treatments for physical and mental health. I had the great fortune of interviewing world-leading experts in everything from psychiatry to cardiology, osteopathy to holistic approaches to health. It was fascinating and my hungry mind devoured all the new knowledge and ideas. That 10 years also taught me to write, which has proven very helpful for posts like this and the book I am currently working on.

My new treatment model

As a mental-health professional, I have always sought new approaches to psychotherapy, as well as grappling with how best to put them all together. In a by-no-means conclusive list I have trained extensively in cognitive behaviour therapy (CBT), compassion-focused therapy (CFT), schema therapy and internal family systems (IFS); as well as learning Janina Fisher’s excellent trauma-informed stabilisation treatment (TIST), psychosynthesis, integrative psychotherapy, polyvagal theory, mindful self-compassion (MSC), mindfulness-based cognitive therapy (MBCT) and Buddhist psychology.

If I’m honest, one of the hardest aspects of this journey of discovery was figuring out how to fit all these models together – it was like a puzzle with lots of parts, some of which fit seamlessly while others clashed in some ways. But I’m happy to say I have finally figured it out. This has been made possible, largely, because I have been writing a book on an integrative approach to healing childhood trauma. Nothing helps you clarify your thinking like writing a book – it really helps you figure out what you believe and why.

My new model is called integrative trauma therapy (ITT), because that neatly sums up everything I believe and am passionate about. It’s based on the three phases of trauma therapy, which I have found to be the best structure for any therapy I offer my clients, especially because most of my clients have small t or Big T trauma histories. It’s important to note that other therapists use this description for their trauma-focused work – my unique contribution is the particular blend of models I combine. I would also add that many practitioners do amazing work using pure versions of, say, schema therapy, CBT or IFS.

On the shoulders of giants

This development in no way criticises or undermines these incredible approaches to healing – I am simply standing on the shoulders of giants such as schema therapy’s Dr Jeffrey Young, CBT’s Dr Aaron Beck, or IFS’s Dr Richard Schwartz. In fact, I have always found it odd that practitioners of approach A feel the need to criticise approach B, to claim that their model is superior. I believe that every approach has its own strengths and weaknesses, as well as great richness and depth.

Why not combine the best of them, in a way that seems to help my clients and supervisees, as well as fitting my therapeutic style, which has always incorporated new ideas, theories and strategies to optimally help my sometimes hard-to-help clients?

I will be posting often about the key elements of ITT and how it can help you, as a client or clinician. If you would like to know more about the details of my approach, check out this page on its fundamental principles, or click on the button below to read more.

I hope you find it interesting – and, of course, most importantly that it helps you heal your trauma, which is my greatest passion in life and why I do everything that I do.

Love,

Dan ❤️

 
 

What I Have Learned from 30 Years of Studying Psychology

Image by Jr Korpa

As a psychotherapist, I have spent over 30 years learning about mental health, psychology and psychotherapy. During that time I have taken a deep dive into a number of therapy models, including:

  • Cognitive behaviour therapy

  • Compassion-based therapies like compassion-focused therapy and mindful self-compassion

  • Parts-based, transpersonal therapies like psychosynthesis

  • Trauma therapies, especially Janina Fisher’s trauma-informed stabilisation treatment

  • Somatic therapies like polyvagal theory and somatic experiencing

  • Schema therapy

  • Internal family systems

  • Mindfulness-based therapies such as MBSR and MBCT, as well as Buddhist psychology

I now integrate the best of these powerful, highly effective models into a unified treatment approach with my clients. Here are some of the key principles of my approach.

trauma-informed therapy

As someone who specialises in helping people with the impact of childhood trauma, I have come to understand that trauma is at the root of most psychological problems, such as depression, chronic stress or anxiety, eating disorders, addiction and substance abuse, low self-esteem and relationship difficulties. I am currently writing a book about healing trauma which will take readers on a step-by step guide to using an integrative approach to heal the wounds of a painful childhood.

After decades of research, including the groundbreaking Adverse Childhood Experiences Study, we now understand that most of the psychological problems people struggle with have their roots in trauma or neglect in childhood. These may be single-incident traumas like a car crash or natural disaster, but are more likely to be complex trauma, such as bullying in the home or at school; experiencing any kind of abuse; having a parent with substance-abuse or mental-health problems; being harshly criticised, feeling unloved or unvalued on a regular basis; growing up in a high-conflict home, or witnessing domestic violence; experiencing poverty, homelessness or frequent upheavals in childhood; experiencing any kind of discrimination, especially racism, sexism, homophobia or transphobia.

Whatever you may be struggling with, it’s likely that childhood trauma or neglect is the root cause of your problems. And this needs addressing, which means you need a trauma-informed approach. Linked to this is a thorough understanding of the nervous system, as trauma dysregulates your nervous system and other systems in the body. So it’s helpful to understand that through the lens of somatic approaches like polyvagal theory or Peter Levine’s somatic experiencing. I have created a wide range of breathwork, meditation and guided-imagery practices for my Insight Timer collection, many of which will help you calm, soothe and regulate your nervous system. And these approaches form the foundation of therapy, before we move on to trauma processing.

an attachment-based approach

Most of the trauma we experience as children is relational, meaning we are hurt by those who are supposed to love, protect and care for us. Very sadly, most abuse happens within the family, despite the scare stories of ‘stranger danger’ published in the media. And more subtle forms of emotional neglect can be extremely painful for children, such as having a parent who is chronically depressed, so – through no fault of their own – struggles to attune to your needs in the way all children require to develop a healthy mind and body.

A core need for all children is secure attachment with their caregivers – feeling safe, protected, loved and cherished by their parents, or other key family members if they are raising the child. This secure attachment in childhood translates to a secure attachment style, which we know around 50 per cent of adults possess. The other half of the population are mostly either anxious or avoidant, both of which create problems in forming healthy, nourishing relationships.

If you have an insecure attachment style – like most people seeking therapy – you need an attachment-based therapy, which will help you learn to feel safer and more secure in relationships, bit by bit. Schema therapy is the gold standard of this approach to therapy, so I integrate all the richness, wisdom and practical tools from this model into my work.

a parts-based model

One of the major revolutions in psychotherapy began in the late 1980s, when a number of parts-based therapy models were developed. These include schema therapy, internal family systems, Janina Fisher’s approach, Gestalt therapy and many others. My approach is also a parts-based, because it’s clear from a neurobiological understanding of the brain that your mind, and mine, is formed of a number of parts – this is known as ‘multiplicity of self’. It means that you have parts, like the Inner Critic or Inner Child, who either hold painful beliefs, memories and experiences from difficult times in your life, or work to keep those hurt young parts safe.

My work with clients draws especially on internal family systems, because it’s a warm, compassionate approach to healing these hurt and hardworking parts. But I strongly believe that no one model of therapy holds all the answers, so its better to draw from a wide range of models, creating a bespoke treatment for each individual client. I have found this to be the most powerful way to heal trauma with my therapy clients and have taught this approach to many other mental-health professionals, in my supervision and wider teaching.

Compassion at its heart

Finally, my approach involves a strong emphasis on learning self-compassion, because this is perhaps the most important skill you can learn – and especially if you experienced childhood trauma. Most of my clients are highly self-critical, with negative and self-lacerating beliefs about not being good enough, being dislikable or unlovable. None of these things are true, but are unhelpful ways of thinking about themselves they learned as a child – what are called ‘schemas’ in schema therapy.

Any effective therapy involves learning a new story about your life, one which is kind, compassionate and realistic, rather than highly negative and demeaning. Learning to think differently about yourself is a key part of any good therapy – and learning to be self-compassionate is an antidote to the noxious and harmful ways of thinking you developed as a child.

If you would like to know more about my approach to therapy, do sign up for my newsletter using the form below – you will get to read my latest blog posts, which are enjoyed by half a million people a year. You will also be the first to hear about my new courses, webinars and workshops, as well as my new book, when it is published in 2026. Also check out my Insight Timer collection, for a wide range of practices, most of which are free or donation-based.

I hope you find the help you are looking for from me or the many brilliant therapists and teachers globally, all of whom are dedicated to helping heal people struggling with the legacy of trauma. As I always tell my clients: Whatever you have been through in your life, it is never too much and never too late to heal.

Love ❤️

Dan

 
 

Why Calm, Safe People Help Soothe Your Nervous System

Image by Omar Lopez

How are you feeling right now? Take a moment to mindfully scan your body and just notice whatever’s going on, physically and emotionally. You may be feeling calm and peaceful, with relaxed muscles, a happy digestive system and slow, steady heartbeat. If so, that’s wonderful.

But you may not feel like this at all. As you scan your torso you may notice places of muscular tightness and tension, a racing heartbeat and a bloated, uncomfortable gut. If you’re in this heightened, uncomfortable somatic state, I’m guessing you also feel stressed, anxious and frazzled. You may also be a bit hyper, with a fizzing energy running through your body.

Or you may notice your body feeling heavy and slumpy, low energy and with limbs that feel like lead. You might be low in mood or depressed and feel spacey, detached or dissociated. Not a nice place to be.

All three of these feeling states correspond with branches of your autonomic nervous system (which does all the stuff out of your awareness to help your heart beat, keep you breathing, digesting food, avoiding danger and much more). The first state is called Ventral Vagal, the second Sympathetic and the third Dorsal Vagal. Anyone familiar with Dr Stephen Porges’ Polyvagal Theory will have a firm grasp of these somatic states, but if this theory is new to you, it’s a way of understanding your nervous system – why different parts of it get activated by certain triggers, how it functions to keep you safe in the world and how you can shape it to help you exist in that calm, pleasurable, mindful Ventral Vagal state more of the time.

Polyvagal 101

I have long been aware of Polyvagal Theory, but I am currently taking a deep dive into this brilliant model. If it’s new to you, or you need a refresher, I strongly recommend Deb Dana’s excellent book, Anchored: How to Befriend Your Nervous System Using Polyvagal Theory. She is a warm and insightful therapist who successfully translates Dr Porges’ complex and somewhat hard-to-grasp theories into everyday language. One of the many ideas to grab me in her book is that of neuroception, which is the way your nervous system perceives messages from inside your body, other people and the world.

Perception is the way your brain perceives your inner and outer world. It involves your sensory experience of the world, so what you see, hear, feel, taste and touch. Your brain then translates this information into conscious ways of thinking about these inputs, like: ‘Oh, she just smiled at me, which means she might be attracted to me, or maybe she’s just being friendly,’ or ‘I love that cologne, it reminds me of the one my dad used to wear. I must buy him some for his next birthday.’

Neuroception, on the other hand, is a subconscious process where your nervous system constantly evaluates your experiences, looking for cues of safety or danger. So that might look like: ‘Oh, she just smiled at me, which means she is friendly and so probably safe,’ or ‘What’s that horrible cologne? Oh crap, it reminds me of that bully in school. Time to get the hell out of here!’

In reality, this process is even faster than that, because thoughts like these are your conscious brain making sense of those cues of safety/danger and then creating stories about them. Your nervous system acts way faster than that, sensing these cues and compelling you to act – fighting, fleeing or freezing – before your thinking brain has any idea of what’s happening. This could look like you being startled and scanning anxiously for the source of a loud bang, or walking into a room, getting a bad feeling – the hair on your neck standing up – and then walking straight out again.

People who make you feel safe

Finally, one more idea that’s important for all of us, but especially those who have a trauma history, who have such a hard time feeling safe in the world. And that’s the way your nervous system is constantly looking for neuroceptive cues of safety/danger from every person you meet.

For example, I have long struggled with narcissistic people, because some of my more dysfunctional family members were very narcissistic, as were other hurtful people in my life. So my nervous system is exquisitely sensitive to cues of narcissism, from facial expression to body posture, voice tone and language. I jokingly call this my N-dar™ – it’s remarkable how sensitive I am to these folks and how much my nervous system/inner parts react around this personality type.

On the other hand, people who are kind, warm, gentle, compassionate, good listeners, mindful and thoughtful make me feel safe. That’s why I married someone with these qualities. Why my best friends are like this. And why I love being a therapist so much, because most of my colleagues exhibit these qualities, so I feel safe and happy hanging out with them.

The practice

Spend some time journalling about this. Think about the people in your life you feel edgy and uncomfortable around. This may be more of a ‘felt sense’ than anything conscious or obvious – your nervous system is just telling you: not safe. Spend some time writing about the ways they speak and behave that make you uneasy. Are they unkind? A bit loud? Do they interrupt you a lot? Do you feel like they’re not really interested or listening when you speak? Perhaps they stand, move or make facial expressions in ways that just feel a bit off to your nervous system. Maybe their values or political opinions really clash with yours. Whatever it is, just spend some time journalling about the things that make your nervous system say no to these folks.

Now think about the people in your life you like, love and have positive feelings toward. What’s that about? Are they kind, calm, soft, gentle, easygoing? Or maybe you like people who are a bit more energised and extroverted, if you’re wired that way. There is no right or wrong here, good or bad, it’s just helpful to understand what makes you feel comfortable or uncomfortable with particular people. They might be generous, with their time, money or heart. Perhaps they have helped you in a time of need, giving freely with no expectation of receiving in return.

You may notice them treating others well, and that makes your heart feel warm. Perhaps they do a lot for charity, help elderly neighbours or donate to the food bank. These things might signal safety to your nervous system, which is why it says: safe. And why you then feel a strong yes towards them. Just spend some time writing about that and see where it leads you.

Finally, see how much time you spend with people who make you feel unsafe and how much with those who help you feel safe and are deeply drawn to. Is that balance right, or a bit off? What could you do, practically, to have more safe people in your life? That might mean choosing partners more wisely, shaking up your friendships, changing career or pursuing hobbies with like-minded folks. Remember that, especially if you have experienced trauma, you deserve to feel safe and happy in this world. You have suffered enough. And, as far as we know you only get one life, so try to live it in a way that brings you joy.

Life’s too short and precious to spend it with people who make you feel bad!

Love,

Dan ❤️

 
 

How is Trauma Passed Down Through Generations?

Image by Markus Spiske

As someone who specialises in helping people with childhood trauma, I have long told my clients that trauma gets passed down from generation to generation. This always made sense to me, when I heard someone’s story about the trauma or neglect they experienced in childhood, and the painful experiences of one or both of their parents, their grandparents, and so on. The pain clearly cascaded from one generation to the next.

Heartbreakingly, we can see this trauma being created before our eyes in war zones around the world, as well as countless angry, chaotic, impoverished, substance-abusing, harsh, cold or otherwise unhappy families all around us. As much as humans can be kind, loving, altruistic and compassionate, we can also treat each other with great cruelty. Sadly, these two forces – light and dark – do constant battle in our minds and souls. Too often the dark side wins.

But it remained a mystery to me to understand exactly how trauma moved between generations, until I read a brilliant book by Mark Wolynn recently – It Didn’t Start with You: How Inherited Family Trauma Shapes Who We Are and How to End the Cycle. Wolynn is a family therapist and explains the various mechanisms through which trauma passes along a human chain, from parent to child, through the ages.

Some of these mechanisms are common sense – for example, if your father had a terrible childhood and grew up to numb his pain with alcohol, his drinking will almost certainly inflict suffering on his own family, especially his children. He might come home from the bar in a drunken rage, being violent to his wife and children, smashing up the living room before passing out in a stupor. Clearly, his traumatic childhood shaped the man he became, who then inflicted suffering on his poor, traumatised wife and kids.

The genetic inheritance of traumA

Wolynn also explains the way trauma gets expressed through your parents’ genes, which is somewhat mindblowing but also makes sense if you think about it. Let’s say your mother grew up in a high-stress, high-conflict family environment. Her bloodstream would have been awash with stress hormones such as cortisol and adrenaline, her fight-flight-freeze response would have been triggered on a daily, if not hourly basis, her brain and nervous system would have been dysregulated and on high alert for danger, all the time. Then she grew up, traumatised child becoming a traumatised adult, got pregnant and passed her genes (as well as your father’s) on to you, as you grew from a collection of cells into a baby in her womb.

In evolutionary terms, to optimise your survival your gene expression (which of those inherited genes were switched on and off) would have prepared you for a stressful, hostile world. It’s like you were born ready to survive, prepared for a dangerous environment, not a calm, placid, happy one. And that is how trauma gets handed down genetically, because it shapes us to be hypervigilant, on alert, pre-stressed before we even encounter anything stressful. Your genes created a little human born ready for battle, not peace.

You can break the chain

Something I also tell my clients is that, although their trauma was passed down a long chain of ancestors, they have the power to break that chain. And you do too. Because if you get help from a skilled trauma therapist, you can heal the wounds of your childhood trauma, so you choose not to pass them on to your children and grandchildren. This is vitally important, because we can help the forces of light in our world flourish, bringing an end to senseless war, violence and cruelty, by healing the world’s trauma – starting with our own.

Like a ripple in a pond, your healing profoundly shapes your children, grandchildren, great-grandchildren and on through the generations, forging a chain of healing, not harm. We live in a time of such enormous challenges – escalating war, rampant inequality, climate change and more – that it’s our responsibility to do everything we can to promote peace, harmony and flourishing for every human on this planet.

Let’s all break that chain, starting today.

Love,

Dan ❤️

 
 

Feeling Anxious or Stressed? My Colour Breathing Practice Will Help

Colour Breathing is a highly effective technique to help when you’re feeling stressed, anxious, upset, angry or any other negative emotion. In this short video, I guide you through the practice, which will help you feel calmer, more relaxed and at peace. Used daily, Colour Breathing will help calm your mind, body and nervous system.

I hope that helps – for more techniques like this, including breathwork, self-compassion, IFS and mindfulness techniques, visit my Insight Timer collection by clicking on the button below.

Love ❤️

Dan

 
 

Have You Tried My New Insight Timer Course Yet?

Image by Wes Hicks

Have you listened to my new Premium Audio Course for Insight Timer yet – Healing from Childhood Trauma with IFS & Self-Compassion? Over 600 students have already taken the course and found it powerful and healing, giving it five-star reviews and consistently positive feedback.

If you sign up today you will learn about child development, temperament, core developmental needs, schemas and the IFS model of internal parts, how to work with your Inner Critic, what we mean by childhood trauma and neglect – as well as how to heal from these painful experiences using powerful techniques drawn from schema therapy, compassion-focused therapy, mindful self-compassion and internal family systems.

The course is free if you become a Member Plus Supporter. This costs just $60 for 12 months of high-quality content like this on the Insight Timer app from me and thousands of other leading teachers.

Try it now by clicking on the button below. I hope you enjoy it!

Love ❤️

Dan

 
 

Book Your Place Now – Dan Roberts' Webinars and Workshops for 2023

Image by Tobias Reich

If you are interested in coming to one of my Heal Your Trauma webinars and workshops, I have just released a full calendar of events for 2023. Bookings for all events are open now, so do visit the calendar page on my Heal Your Trauma website to reserve your place now. Many of these events sell out quickly, so do book your place early to avoid missing out.

We have webinars and workshops running almost every month, on a wide range of subjects to help you with your mental health and wellbeing. My workshops are all in-person next year, as I very much enjoy being with you ‘in real life’ – these will be held either at the Gestalt Centre, in central London, or Terapia, in north London. Highlights include:

If you are unable to travel to the workshops, we have a wide range of webinars planned for you, which are hosted via Zoom. Online highlights include:

All Heal Your Trauma events offer a number of free places, for those struggling financially for any reason, as well as Low-Income Ticket and Supporter Ticket options, if you are able to support the project. Heal Your Trauma is a non-profit project, so every penny we receive, after covering expenses, goes into making sure that everyone, everywhere can access all of our content.

I am excited about our upcoming programme for 2023 – and very much look forward to meeting you at a Heal Your Trauma event soon!

Sending you love and warm wishes,

Dan

 
 

Don’t Miss Our Overcoming Addiction Workshop in London – 26th November 2022

If you struggle with addiction or compulsive behaviours, book your place on a one-day, in-person workshop co-presented by Dan Roberts, Advanced Accredited Schema Therapist, Trainer & Supervisor and Founder of Heal Your Trauma and Claire van den Bosch, UKCP-accredited Psychotherapist and an expert on treating addiction. Overcoming Addiction: Heal Your Pain and Escape the Addictive Cycle is the latest in a series of regular Heal Your Trauma webinars and workshops throughout 2022. 

This event, which will be both highly informative and experiential, will take place from 10.30am-4.30pm on Saturday 26th November 2022. It will be held at The Gestalt Centre, near King’s Cross in Central London. The Gestalt Centre is easily reached by bus, Tube or mainline rail, being a 10-minute walk from King’s Cross Station.

This event is booking up fast, so don’t miss this chance to learn from two leading trauma therapists and experts on mental health, wellbeing and addiction – watch the video for more information and book your place now using the button below.

Warm wishes,

Dan

 

Come to My Overcoming Addiction Workshop in London on 26th November 2022

 

How Can Trauma-Focused CBT Help You Overcome Trauma Symptoms?

PTSD is estimated to affect one in three people after a traumatic event. If you are struggling with trauma symptoms it can be useful to begin considering your support options. There are many different therapies available to support trauma and one of those is Trauma-Focused Cognitive Behavioural Therapy, or TF-CBT for short, but what is this type of therapy, and what does it involve? 

Psychologists Ehlers and Clark (2000), in their Cognitive Model of PTSD, propose that there are certain factors that keep the vicious cycle of trauma going, and these factors essentially prevent the trauma memory/memories from being processed. These factors include:

  1. Poorly elaborated memory of the trauma and that the memory has not been contextualised (the memory does not equal the situation within which it existed or happened).

  2. Excessive negative beliefs and meanings attached to the trauma memory.

  3. Behavioural and cognitive strategies. Cognitive strategies include pushing thoughts away (suppression) and dwelling on events (rumination). Behavioural strategies may include withdrawing socially, avoiding internal and external reminders of the event/s, little or no engagement in previous hobbies or interests, use of drugs and alcohol. There can be many more strategies people may use, we recognise every individual has different coping strategies to try to minimise or eliminate their suffering.

Goals in Trauma-Focused CBT

Therefore together our goals in TF-CBT are to:

  1. Reduce flashbacks and nightmares by opening up the memory and being able to discriminate with reminders of the trauma what is then (at the time of the trauma) and what is now (in the present moment). We may recall the memory spoken out loud or by use of writing in session using the present tense. Some people may revisit the site of trauma in this part of the work to aid adding context to the trauma memory.

  2. Modify excessive negative beliefs of the trauma, changing perspectives to create new more helpful beliefs. For example ‘it was my fault X happened’ becomes ‘it was not my fault X happened’ we may develop a more compassionate response towards the self. In therapy we may do this through careful and gentle questioning to explore different perspectives. We then incorporate the more helpful belief into the trauma memory.

  3. Remove unhelpful behavioural and cognitive strategies that maintain intrusions and the current sense of threat and danger. We may do this in therapy by exploring the advantages and disadvantages of each strategy both in the short and long term.

As we come towards the end of treatment we often hear people we support reporting a reduction or ceasing of intrusions, a decreased sense of danger in the present moment and an improvement in mood as the person begins regaining and rebuilding their life after after the traumatic event/s.

Please see the video below if you would like to learn more about the different stages of the therapeutic journey when we work with trauma using TF-CBT. 

Emma McDonald, CBT & EMDR Therapist

•If you are looking for a Trauma Focused-CBT specialist we have a team of therapists who can offer this support face to face or online – further information can be found on our website www.thepsychotherapyclinic.co.uk

 
 

Watch Dan's Interview About Trauma Healing for AntiLoneliness

I was recently honoured to be invited for an interview with Vassia Sarantopoulou, Founder and Head Psychologist of AntiLoneliness (antiloneliness.com).

In the course of our highly engaging, one-hour interview we discussed many issues related to trauma, including:

  • Can we heal from trauma?

  • What is the difference between trauma and complex trauma?

  • How has this pandemic been a traumatic experience for many?

  • What's a holistic approach to healing?

  • How do our everyday habits add to trauma?

  • Breathing and meditation: how they help with healing

Do watch the interview below, or by visiting the AntiLoneliness YouTube channel – if you have a trauma history, I very much hope you find it helpful.

Warm wishes,

Dan

 
 
 

Healing Your Inner Child

The idea that we have an inner child, who carries all the hurt, trauma and painful memories from our past, is not a new one one in psychotherapy. But all of the newest, trauma-informed models have a particular way of thinking about this young, vulnerable part of us. In schema therapy, this young part is called the Vulnerable Child – and is the main focus of therapy, because the idea is if we can heal this part then he or she (and so, of course, you) feels calmer, happier, stronger and more at peace.

In internal family systems (IFS) therapy, there is also a strong emphasis on working with this part of you. The main difference is that, in IFS, there isn’t just one inner child, but many. So you might have a three-year-old part, a five-year-old, a seven-year-old, and so on. And this makes sense to me, because these parts of you hold all the painful memories, feelings, thoughts, body sensations and experiences of you at the age of three, five or seven.

If we just had one inner child, then they would have to hold memories of being, say, three, 12 and 17 – ages at which we are completely different in terms of brain development, personality, ways of thinking and feeling. It just doesn’t really make sense. Far more persuasive to me, based on all the theory and my own experience of working with hundreds of people over the years, is that we have many inner children, not all of whom need help, but some definitely do.

What is a part?

This leads to an important question – what exactly do we mean by a ‘part’? In some ways, this depends on the therapy model you believe best represents our inner world. Various models have different ways of answering this question (and all think theirs is the right answer!). But let’s go with the IFS model for now, as it’s one of my favourites – and I like their answer best. Dick Schwartz, founder of IFS, says that a part is a neural network in the brain, holding all of the thoughts, memories, etc that we did at the part’s age.

Dick argues that this is how the brain creates what we perceive of as our self (or many selves). If you experienced trauma in your childhood, this is also how your brain helps you deal with that trauma. It creates one or more parts to hold those traumatic memories (called ‘exiles’). And then various parts whose job it is to keep those memories buried deep in your unconscious, so you don’t have to think about them all the time (called ‘protectors’) and can function in your day-to-day life.

Healing young parts

There are many ways to heal these young, traumatised parts of you. One way is through the relationship between you and your therapist – this is a crucial attachment relationship and will help those little kids inside you feel safe, understood and cared for. You may never have experienced this as a child, so it can be deeply healing to have those experiences in the context of a therapeutic relationship.

In IFS (and schema therapy), using imagery is also integral for the healing process. Many IFS sessions are spent ‘going inside’ – closing your eyes and imagining speaking to your parts, often through imagery, where you visualise them and engage in all sorts of powerful, healing techniques and interactions with them.

Developing self-kindness and self-compassion is also fundamental in trauma recovery. This can be tough, especially for trauma survivors, but is always possible, with the right support and problem-solving. You may find my guided meditations on Insight Timer helpful for this, or try Kristin Neff’s practices on the same app, which are fantastic. And the self we are being kind and compassionate to is usually a young one, so this is calming, soothing and restorative for them, too.

I will be writing a lot more about healing your inner child in these blog posts, as well as teaching about them in my Heal Your Trauma webinars, so I hope all of that proves helpful for you.

Warm wishes,

Dan

 

Why You Keep Falling in the Same Hole – and How to Stop

Image by Ian Taylor

My first counselling training began almost 30 years ago – way back in 1994. Although I was very young (probably a bit too young, in hindsight), I absolutely loved it. The three-year training, in Psychosynthesis – a humanistic/transpersonal model – was so stimulating and exciting. I had never experienced anything like it.

And I remember one of the trainers reading a poem to us and then using it as a metaphor for therapy, which has stuck with me ever since – I recently tracked it down and learned that it was Portia Nelson’s There’s a Hole in My Sidewalk: The Romance of Self-Discovery. I have used this poem/metaphor with hundreds of my clients, so think you will find it helpful. Here’s how it goes.

Part 1: Falling in the hole

Imagine that you’re walking down a road on a lovely sunny day. You feel fine and are enjoying your walk, not heading anywhere special, just ambling down the road. Then, bang. Without warning, you fall into a huge hole in the road.

You lie there, bruised and winded at the bottom of the hole, thinking to yourself, ‘What the hell was that? Where did that stupid hole come from?’

Eventually you manage to climb out of the hole and go on your way, shaken, sore and confused.

Part 2: Falling in the same hole

Months go by. You walk down the same road every day. And every single day you fall into the same damn hole. It’s like Groundhog Day – you never see it coming and it always takes you by complete surprise. You start really hating that hole…

Part 3: seeing the hole but still falling in

Eventually, something changes. Now when you walk down that road, you realise that the hole is there. You even see it as you walk towards it, but – and this is the most maddening bit – you still fall in! And when you find yourself, battered and bruised at the bottom of the hole, you think to yourself, ‘This is making me crazy now! How can I see the stupid hole but still fall in every time? Argh! So annoying!’

Part 4: Hole-enlightenment day

This goes on for way too long. You now hate the hole with a deep and abiding passion. Until, one day, something miraculous happens. On this special day, you walk down the usual road. You see the hole coming. You walk closer. And closer. And closer. Until, just as you’re about to fall in again, you think to yourself. ‘Wait a damn minute. I know you, hole! And do you know what? I have had enough of the falling. And the bruising. And the being shaken.’

So you do something quietly wonderful. You see the hole, decide to walk around it, then do just that. On you go with your journey, feeling deep-down-in-your-bones happy and proud of yourself.

So what does all that mean?

Here’s why I have told that story hundreds of times over the years. It’s because this is how the therapy process – and any kind of personal growth – works. At first, you get triggered by things you don’t even know are there, or are triggers, or even what a trigger is! So of course you keep falling in the same wretched holes, because you don’t know they exist.

Your holes might be the same as mine, or they might be different. So one of my holes/triggers is narcissistic people, especially men. People with this kind of personality can often be harshly critical, or demeaning, or shut you down rudely and insensitively. And one of my family members did that to me a lot as a child. So just being around a person like this is triggering for my young, hurt parts – because they expect to be hurt again.

It took me a long time (and a lot of therapy) to learn this, but now I know that this is one of my holes so I – mostly – manage not to fall in.

Achieving hole-enlightenment

Of course, the oh-so-glorious day is the one where you see the hole but manage not to fall in this time, instead walking around it and carrying on, with a huge smile on your face. But that takes time. It takes a lot of learning. A great deal of compassionate support. And all of this is especially true if you have a trauma history because, sadly, you will have more holes than most people, they will be bigger and deeper, and it will be even harder to learn not to fall in.

But, as I am always explaining in these posts, just because it’s harder for you doesn’t mean it’s impossible. I passionately believe that everyone can heal, including you. That’s because we have a range of life-changing, trauma-informed therapies at our disposal now, as well as a wealth of knowledge about the mind, brain, body and nervous system, what happens to them during trauma – and, crucially, how to heal those wounds.

If you would like to know more about all of this, start by reading my website and Heal Your Trauma Blog, which contains a huge amount of information about trauma and mental health in general. You could also come along to my first Heal Your Trauma webinar, What is Trauma and Can it Be Healed?, on Saturday 26th February, 2022. You can book your place, for just £49, using the button below.

I hope to see you there – and good luck with those holes!

Warm wishes,

Dan

 

What is Internal Family Systems Therapy?

Image by Thomas Koukas

If you have a trauma history and are looking for a therapist to help, it can be bewildering. There are so many counsellors and therapists out there, offering a smorgasbord of therapy models, each claiming to be the best. As a specialist in treating complex trauma, I would advise you to find someone who knows what they’re talking about – ask them whether they have trained in trauma therapy and exactly how they would help you with your trauma history. If they don’t have a convincing answer, please find someone else.

I would also recommend finding a trauma-informed therapy, such as EMDR, trauma-focused CBT, compassion-focused therapy, sensorimotor psychotherapy, somatic experiencing therapy, schema therapy or internal family systems (IFS) therapy. As an Advanced Accredited Schema Therapist, Trainer & Supervisor and Internal Family Systems-Trained Therapist, I specialise in these two approaches, which are both excellent, trauma-informed therapy models.

In this post I would like to focus on the last one, IFS, because it offers a wonderful way to heal your trauma, whatever you might have been through and however bad your symptoms are today. IFS was developed by Dr Richard Schwartz in the 1980s and, unlike most therapy models, emerged from the things his clients were telling him. Dick (as he likes to be called) Schwartz tells the story of his clients saying, over and over, ‘A part of me wants to date this guy but another part really doesn’t like him,’ or, ’Part of me wants to binge-eat cake, but a big part of me knows that’s not a good idea.’

We all have parts

Dick came to realise that his clients were giving him a glimpse into their internal world – and the many different parts of them who lived there. This idea, ‘multiplicity of self’, is at the heart of IFS. Because even though we feel like we’re just us – I am Dan, or you are Carol – that’s not how the brain constructs our personality. Instead, we all have different parts, who think differently, want different things and often have conflicting impulses. (Date the guy/don’t date the guy; binge/don’t binge).

This isn’t weird, or the sign of deep psychological issues, it’s just how we all are. And in the IFS model, we have two different kinds of parts: exiles and protectors. Exiles are the (usually) young, wounded parts of us, who carry all the painful thoughts, memories, feelings and experiences from key times in our life. They are called exiles because they are often exiled in your internal system – meaning shut away, because their feelings are deemed too powerful and overwhelming for us.

Managers and firefighters

And the parts that shut them away are called protectors – they help protect those young parts from being hurt, but also keep them shut away so they don’t overwhelm you. And there are two types of protector: managers and firefighters. Managers do a job, like be perfectionistic, worry obsessively or people-please. Their job is to be proactive – anticipating threats or painful triggers to help you avoid them.

Firefighters are reactive. So the part that drinks, or binge-eats, or cuts, or smokes weed, or gambles is a firefighter. They use any tactic available to quickly extinguish the pain felt by young, wounded parts.

Who you are, deep down

Finally, we all have a Self. This is not a part, but you, deep down – a good metaphor is the sun (Self) behind the clouds (parts). Always there, but sometimes obscured by activated parts, thinking, feeling and doing stuff frantically all the time.

So the goal of IFS therapy is to find and heal the exiles; free the protectors from their tiring, stressful jobs; and help you access ‘Self-energy’ so you can feel calmer, stronger, happier and more at peace.

I use IFS with all my clients and they love it. There is something about the model and this way of working that just resonates with people on a deep level. And it works! Even with the most stubborn, hard-to-treat problems like complex trauma.

I will be writing more about this and other models in this Heal Your Trauma Blog – and you can sign up for the HYT newsletter below, to make sure you never miss a post or one of our events.

I really hope that helps – and wishing you strength, courage and perseverance on your healing journey.

Warm wishes,

Dan

 

Book Your Place on the First Heal Your Trauma Webinar

If you have a trauma history, or care about someone who does, book your place on a live, two-hour Zoom webinar with Dan Roberts, Advanced Accredited Schema Therapist, Trainer & Supervisor and Founder of Heal Your Trauma. What is Trauma and Can it Be Healed? is the first of a series of regular webinars presented by Dan Roberts throughout 2022.

This event, which will be both highly informative and experiential, will take place from 3-5pm on Saturday 26th February 2022 and costs just £49 to attend live, as well as gaining exclusive access to a video of the event, to watch whenever you like.

What is Trauma and Can it Be Healed? features two hours of teaching and powerful exercises that will help you feel calmer and more relaxed, presented by Dan Roberts, a leading expert on trauma and mental health.

In this powerful, highly experiential webinar you will learn:

  • Why a wide range of events can be traumatising for us, especially when we are young

  • Why trauma describes both the traumatic event and its impact on the mind, brain and body

  • Why it’s crucial to understand the role of the nervous system, which is often ‘dysregulated’ in trauma survivors and needs help to come back into a regulated, calm state

  • Powerful practices to help you feel calmer and more at peace, including one of the most effective and fast-acting breathing techniques available

  • Why it’s essential to find a trauma-informed therapist; and why standard counselling and psychotherapy can be unhelpful for trauma survivors

  • The importance of kindness and compassion for yourself and others – and how to generate these powerful, deeply healing ways of thinking and feeling, even if you have found this difficult throughout your life

Don’t miss this chance to learn from a leading trauma therapist and expert on mental health and wellbeing – watch the video for more information and book your place now using the button below.

Warm wishes,

Dan

 

Can Your Trauma Really Be Healed?

Image by Roberta Sorge

In the UK alone, we know that millions of people have experienced some kind of trauma in their lives. I think about trauma as being on a spectrum, from mild at one end to severe at the other. So for many of these people, the trauma they experienced is probably at the milder end of the spectrum. This doesn’t mean it wasn’t painful, of course, or that it doesn’t have an effect on their daily life now. But they are still able to function, be mums and dads, have jobs and friends and do all the normal stuff of life.

If your experiences were more severe, then I’m afraid the impact on you will also be much worse. The thoughts, beliefs, emotions and physical symptoms you experience might be so intense that it’s hard to live a normal, enjoyable life. If this is true for you, I am deeply sorry – whatever you experienced was categorically not your fault, so it’s completely unfair that it is affecting you so much today.

It’s never too much and never too late

But whether your experiences were milder, more severe, or somewhere in the middle, I passionately believe that all trauma can be healed. And this belief sustains me in all that I do, from founding my Heal Your Trauma project, to writing blog posts like this, teaching webinars and workshops, recording guided meditations and in my day-to-day clinical work with clients, most of whom come to see me precisely because they have a trauma history.

Something I often tell my clients – and a useful mantra if you have a trauma history – is that it’s never too much and never too late to be healed. Whatever you have been through, whether it happened once or many times; however bad it was; and however long you have been living with the impact of those events. We now have a whole range of cutting-edge, evidence-based therapies that are proven to help.

Alongside trauma-informed therapies such as schema therapy, internal family systems therapy, EMDR, trauma-focused CBT, compassion-focused therapy and sensorimotor psychotherapy, we also have a whole range of techniques and strategies that are research-backed to help with your healing process. Some of these are thousands of years old, but have been adapted to help with the specific problems that trauma survivors face, such as trauma-informed yoga and trauma-sensitive mindfulness.

Breathing yourself better

Breathing techniques can also be incredibly powerful and helpful for reducing stress and anxiety, as well as soothing and stabilising dysregulated nervous systems (one of the hallmarks of trauma). I teach a few of these techniques to my clients, in webinars and on the Insight Timer app, such as Compassionate Breathing and Box Breathing. Again, some of these techniques (such as pranayama breathing) have been around for thousands of years, but we are incorporating them into evidence-based Western psychology and finding them highly effective and helpful for hard-to-treat problems like trauma.

It’s important to note that, especially if your experiences were up the higher end of that spectrum, you will definitely need the help of a kind, skilled, trauma-informed therapist. Programmes like Heal Your Trauma will be helpful, but cannot replace the systematic, step-by-step healing of warm, compassionate, effective psychotherapy. But attending webinars and workshops like mine, reading self-help books, meditating, listening to podcasts, doing yoga and other exercise you enjoy, having a loving partner, supportive friends and meaningful work is all part of your healing journey.

And I will do all I can to help – starting with the first of my bi-monthly Heal Your Trauma webinars on Saturday 26th February, from 3-5pm, which you can find out about in the video and book using the button below. I hope to see you there.

Warm wishes,

Dan

 

Completing My Level 1 Training in Internal Family Systems Therapy

I am very pleased and proud to have completed my Level 1 training in internal family systems therapy – I’m now an Internal Family Systems-Trained Therapist. It's been an intense, but hugely rewarding four months. I absolutely love this model and have integrated it with my other training to help my clients, most of whom are struggling with complex trauma.

I will, I think, always be training as long as I am a psychotherapist. And I’m always looking for cutting-edge, trauma-informed therapies to be able to help my clients with their often complex problems.

IFS is widely regarded as one of the most effective treatments for complex trauma, as working with both wounded young parts and their protectors is key to healing the wounds caused by a trauma history. I will be integrating IFS theories and techniques into my Heal Your Trauma webinars and workshops, as well as adding IFS guided meditations to my collection on Insight Timer.

Warm wishes,

Dan

Healing from Trauma is a Process – Give it Time

Image by Jeremy Bishop

Image by Jeremy Bishop

There are many things I find myself repeating, over and over, to my clients. Near the top of my list of oft-repeated phrases is, ‘I’m afraid there is no quick fix. Healing from trauma is a process and takes as long as it needs to.’

Of course, I understand that if you are suffering – whether that’s with depression, daily stress and anxiety, or any other painful feelings – you want that suffering to end, as quickly as possible. It’s only human to want that – if I have a headache, I take painkillers because I want to get rid of the pain as soon as I can. Nobody likes to be in pain and we are all hard-wired to avoid it, or try to reduce it in any way we can.

It’s just that, especially with long-term, deep-rooted psychological problems, healing from them cannot be rushed and takes time. That is even more true of trauma-related issues, which can affect every part of you – your thoughts, beliefs, emotions, cardiovascular, immune, nervous, musculoskeletal and hormonal systems, as well as the internal system of parts that live inside your mind.

No quick fix

Perhaps the closest things we have to quick fixes in psychology are medications like antidepressants and short-term therapies such as cognitive behaviour therapy (CBT), so let’s think about these options first. Starting with medication, it’s important to understand that for some people it can be extremely helpful, but can take a long time to start working and doesn’t help everyone.

If you are really struggling, especially with depression, by all means try antidepressants and see if they help – they can also work well combined with various forms of talking therapy. But they can only ever offer symptom-relief, so – especially if you have a trauma history – they will never get to the root of your problems, because they are not designed to do that.

(It’s important to note here that, if you are taking medication, you should never stop taking it without consulting your GP or psychiatrist, as this can cause serious problems).

CBT is an excellent form of therapy that works incredibly well for all sorts of problems. I would say it’s especially good at treating fairly recent or short-term problems, or specific problems like phobias and other anxiety disorders. But again, the standard CBT model was never designed for long-term, deep-rooted problems like complex trauma. It might help with the cognitive, emotional and behavioural symptoms caused by those problems, but it won’t address your underlying issues.

The start of my journey

I realised recently that I went for my first-ever counselling session in 1992, to help me deal with the sudden and traumatic loss of my father – so I have been on my healing journey for almost 30 years! I had never really thought about going to therapy before that – and had certainly never imagined training as a counsellor or psychotherapist. But that first experience, of being helped through my grief by a kind, warm and deeply empathic person, opened my eyes to the healing potential of therapy.

This led me to my first counselling training, in a transpersonal therapy called Psychosysnthesis and – despite a winding road that led me first into journalism, before returning to the therapy world and restarting my training – it is a path I have been walking every since.

In that time I have experienced all sorts of therapy, both as client and professional, have found deep solace in a daily meditation practice, learned a great deal about the mind, brain and body, and both what harms and heals this exquisitely complex system. I now have a healthy diet, try to get plenty of sleep, don’t drink much, am lucky enough to have a loving, supportive wife and to have found work that I am passionate about and is deeply meaningful for me.

Healing is a lifelong process

But it took me most of my 53 years on this planet to get here – and I will be doing all of these helpful things, as well as learning, growing, changing and healing every day for the rest of my life. So, another thing I tell my clients (who must get fed up of hearing it!) is that healing doesn’t begin and end with a course of therapy, whether that’s CBT, schema therapy, internal family systems, or any of the many wonderful models available to us.

Healing is a lifelong process. Our minds and bodies need daily exercise, meditation, yoga, sleep, nutritious food, time in Nature, a safe place to live, meaningful work, good friends, loving partners, caring therapists, taking care of our internal system of parts, inspiring films, podcasts and books, comforting music, daily fun and laughter, awe-inspiring experiences, soul-nourishing travel… We all need as many of these helpful things as we can get, every day.

So, please try to be patient. Healing cannot be rushed, however frustrated we may feel, or urgent it might seem. Like all good things, it takes time.

But also know that it is always possible, however bad things have been for you, however much you are suffering today, however hopeless things may seem right now. I know this from my own experience and from helping people heal their trauma every single day.

Trust the process and your trauma can be healed – wishing you all the best with that journey,

Dan

 

I am a meditation teacher for Insight Timer, where you will find a wealth of resources (mostly free/donation-based) including courses, breathing techniques, guided imagery, mindfulness and self-compassion practices and much more.