Do You Suffer from Chronic Pain? Responding with Self-Compassion Can Help
For the past six years, I have been in some kind of pain almost every day. Since my 30s, I had often struggled with back pain, which came and went in a normal, bad-back kind of way. Then I had a severe episode – I was bending over to tie my shoelace and it felt like something went ping in my lower back. The pain was so bad it dropped me to the floor and I couldn’t get up. Luckily a local osteopath did home visits, which got me moving again and was the first of many, many treatments from osteopaths, physios, corrective exercise specialists, massage therapists and various other healers.
I have taken their advice to heart and work out every day, using yoga stretches and strengthening my core, glutes and back. My desk is set up perfectly and I have a fancy ergonomic chair. I move as much as possible, trying to walk every day. My diet is super-healthy, I don’t drink much and am asleep by 10pm every night. I often wish I had myself as a client, because I take my health so seriously and always do my homework!
Despite my best efforts, the pain persists. It does fluctuate, going from a two out of 10 on good days to six or seven on bad ones. But it’s always there and hard to ignore, even at its mildest. If you experience chronic pain you will know exactly what I mean – it grinds you down, especially when you are doing everything you’re supposed to and it still doesn’t get better. I don’t really get depressed these days – after 30 years of therapy and personal growth – but the pain definitely gets me down, especially when it’s bad.
Responding with kindness, not frustration
Honestly, it’s so hard not to get frustrated! When I’ve spent 40 minutes mobilising, strengthening and stretching, but my back and glutes are still painfully tight, it takes all my patience and Self-energy not to get annoyed with my body. But I try really, really hard not to do that because I know from all the research that this not only doesn’t help, but makes the pain worse. Some of the most intriguing research comes from the Mindfulness-Based Pain Management field, which stems from the idea that turning towards your discomfort with acceptance and compassion actually reduces the physical pain.
This may sound a bit out there, but there is hard science behind it. This teaches us that primary pain is what Buddhist teachers call the ‘pain of pain’. So when my back hurts, muscles have gone into spasm (got tight) to protect a perceived injury, even if that injury is long healed. And that just hurts. This data gets sent via my nervous system to the brain, which then makes sense of that raw physical data and, crucially, my reaction to it. So if I think: ‘Oh God, I cannot stand this any longer!’ or ‘I am so tired of this pain, it’s never going to get better’ these would be understandable but unhelpful responses.
Because my brain would use them as part of its data set in how to respond to that pain of pain. And it would turn up the pain dial, sending those messages as electrical impulses back to the muscles, which is called secondary pain. And the mindblowing thing is that most of my pain is secondary – meaning, the pain dial turned up by my brain because it thinks there is an injury, which needs to be taken seriously, so gives me physical pain as a message to be cautious. Not to go bungee jumping, say.
Self-compassion can ease your suffering
This is why research also shows that self-compassion can help with chronic pain, because Dr Kristin Neff’s approach involves turning towards your suffering with mindfulness, kindness and acceptance. This is a cornerstone of my trauma therapy with clients – and the way I respond to my own pain, emotional and physical. I can testify that when I do so, the pain eases off. When I get frustrated, angry, impatient or irritable, the pain gets worse.
I have developed a number of self-compassion practices for my Insight Timer collection, which you might find helpful both for chronic pain and any kind of psychological suffering, like stress, anxiety or depression. Try my Compassionate Friend Meditation, which is a nice place to start in treating yourself with a bit more kindness and warmth. It might make a difference, however small, to whatever kind of pain you may be struggling with right now.
I very much hope it does – just click on the button to try the practice now.
Love,
Dan ❤️
Enjoying Dan’s blog? Please make a small donation to support his work – all donations received will go to help Dan offer low-cost therapy or free resources to those who need them. Thank you 🙏🏼