Are You Struggling to Stay Calm in the Hot Weather?
Image by Prometheus/Unsplash
It it hot where you are? It certainly is here – 30°C today in my new East Sussex home, far too hot for me and most humans, who do not do well in hot weather. I remember taking an anger-management course many years ago and the trainer said the ideal temperature for humans is 21°C, which I have never checked but seems to make sense. We know this from personal experience, because the hotter it gets, the harder it is to stay cool, calm and collected. I definitely get a bit grumpy in the hot weather, as my long-suffering wife, Laura, will confirm!
And every kind of rage – road rage, air rage, trolley rage – increases dramatically with every extra degree. One classic study in 1984 by psychologists Douglas Kenrick and Steven MacFarlane found that drivers do get more aggressive on hotter days. They made some poor research assistant sit in their car at a green light, not moving as the drivers behind got madder and madder. And the level of impatience, frustration and horn-honking was much greater on days when the temperature rose.
The heat hypothesis states that there is a correlation between high temperatures and aggressive behaviour. This struck me last summer, when far-right thugs were rampaging in UK cities. I realised, Oh, of course – riots always happen in the summer! It was one of those lightbulb moments, when you suddenly realise something that’s actually quite obvious. This happens to me a lot, I must confess. People riot when it’s hot, for a whole host of reasons, because of that heat hypothesis. Heat makes us all grouchy and some people very angry, so it doesn’t take much to ignite antisocial behaviour like we saw last summer.
How to stay cool as temperatures rise
Sadly, I’m afraid it will continue getting hotter as climate change escalates. There’s a lot I could say about that, but for now it’s enough to recognise that this is the world humans have created and we will all, to varying degrees, be affected by it. So, if it’s hot where you are and only likely to get hotter, how can you look after your mental health? If you find yourself losing your temper, or just being snappy and grouchy with your kids or your partner, how can you manage that more effectively? None of us want to be snappy, or lose our temper, so we need some simple, practical tools to stay calm, even in challenging situations.
Some of the most effective techniques come from dialectical behaviour therapy (DBT), which has a strong focus on emotional regulation. And although this idea is tricky, if you’re an IFS therapist like me (because some IFS folks argue this is shutting down the valid feelings of angry parts, who need attending to instead), I still think people need effective, fast-acting strategies to use when their emotions are running high. Here is one you can try today, if you need to keep your cool when temperatures – and emotions – are running high:
Take a time out. If you find yourself in conflict with someone, and you don’t want it to escalate, you need to nip it in the bud as early as possible. One of the simplest ways to do that is to take a time out, because trying to stay calm when someone is needling you is very, very hard to do. Try saying, ‘I think this is getting a bit heated and I really don’t want to fight with you. I’m not ignoring you, or shutting you down, but I need to take a break so I can come back and respond a bit more calmly’
Then leave the room, ideally going outside to the garden or for a walk round the block – getting some fresh air is always a good idea. Try using my Compassionate Breathing Technique to regulate your nervous system and move from sympathetic nervous system activation (the branch of the nervous system that fires up in a fight-or-flight response) to parasympathetic activation (involved in the rest-and-digest response). This also helps light up different parts of your brain, from the evolutionarily ancient lizard brain to the uniquely human cortical brain, which you need to remain calm, think things through, and stay relatively calm and connected to someone even if they are driving you crazy
You might also try cooling your body temperature by removing a layer of clothing, splashing cold water on your face and neck, drinking a cold beverage or even taking a cold shower. Remember the heat hypothesis and the fact that, with every degree you lower your body temperature, you will be more able to remain calm and collected
When you’re ready, rejoin the conversation and you should be able to disagree, debate or even argue without losing your temper, which is never helpful. If the crazy-making person is your partner, or child, you can build these steps into your communication together so they can take a time out too, whenever they need one
I hope that helps – I will post more of these excellent DBT techniques from time to time, as I have taught them to hundreds of clients and they really do work, even when tempers are fraying.
Love,
Dan ❤️
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